Fruitless Endeavours (aka Happy Holidays!)

When you don't eat fruit (eeeeeeeeee) Christmas pudding is usually off the menu... unless it comes via sugar-pumped, chocolate-filled completely fruit-less miniatures! Cake pops!!!!! http://sweetopia.net/2011/11/christmas-cake-pops/ (You had me at "cake-on-a-stick" :)) Love this idea! 

Happy holidays and thank you so much to all the amazing people who have supported my online adventures this year. You've helped me tackle Twitter, brave Facebook, and stumble sporadically through the blogosphere :) 

Social media has connected me with so many exciting, inspiring, ridiculously hard working people (yes, I'm looking at you!) As a (partially) converted introvert, (i.e. introvert by design, extrovert on demand) I'm suddenly part of a global community of writers and readers - super-cool! Your reviews, comments, tweets, ticks, tags, and Likes give me a wicked fizzing-feeling! 

And an especially huge thank you to the readers. I have been sent some beautiful emails (even the ones that make me cry!) and knowing that I get to be part of making your dreams come true really is my dream. Because of you, I get to do what I love most in the world, and I am so happy and grateful! 

****I'm taking a break for a couple of weeks. Happy adventuring, and we'll talk in 2012!****

Fruitless Christmas pudding, extroverted introverts, world domination in your pyjamas...

Everything is possible!

Okay, so I lied...

But not about the fruit...
Vegetarian, piscetarian, gluten free – these dietary anomalies get intimidating names, but fruit-free? Freak seems to about cover it. I don’t mind the endless explaining and shoulder shrugging (“yep, just born this way I guess”), but having a label for it really would make my life easier.

And not about the broccoli...
I do eat that. Good for the brain. Anti-carcinogenic. And it’s actually not too bad (especially sprinkled with celery salt or crispy chicken).

Mmmm, crispy chicken :)

And not about dissecting menus...
I learned to do that the hard way. A menu declaring “chocolate brownie” proved hideously evasive when said brownie arrived draped in berry coulis (ew). This foul drizzle rendered my brownie inedible (and if you don’t think so, see if any vegetarian will eat a salad with “beef coulis”).

Waiters are always AWESOME. In their absolute professionalism / morbid curiosity they listen to me work my crazy and then rescue me from whatever cherry-on-the-top or apple-sauce-on-the-side threatens my meal. The trick is never to assume that they have to help (because they don’t) and to always be super grateful (which I am).

The lie?
Tomato. Yep, technically it’s a fruit. So I don’t eat it.
Actually, I feel yucky that I even wrote it*.

Zan and Margo - it was so great to hear from people who are / know someone similarly afflicted – if anyone has a word for this thing, I’d love to know. We could get t-shirts :)

*Luckily, chocolate will fix me :)

Keep kicking ass!

My Kryptonite

I don’t eat fruit. Can’t won’t don’t do it.

And I keep this a secret. Why? Try telling people you hate kittens. Or ice cream. There’s the blank stare, the doubt, “but what about strawberries?” Yes. I hate strawberries. I won’t go near pear, I detest banana. Even sweet little guavas. Even perfectly proportioned peaches. Even that innocuous avocado wobbling on the counter top, fuliguline and faltering. Even that glistening apple cut crisp with a blade. Vomit.

Hey, I don’t mind rabbit-food: I’ll eat carrots, broccoli and tomato. I’ll even drink juice to keep the scurvy at bay, but fruit? Something -everything- inside me screams “don’t do it!”

Oh, they can bloviate on the “goodness” and “healthiness” of fruit, but I know that is not true. Not for me.  Would you question a vegetarian? (“Oh go on, I’ll scrape the meat off...”) Would you tease or trick them? (“Ha, we’ll sneak  some meat in...”) This is my socially unacceptable phobia. My horror. My kryptonite.

And I must stay strong in the face of doubt. Persistent and unyielding.

Before...

Because while it means annoying waiters with endless menu dissection (“are you sure it doesn’t have fruit in / on / around / beside it?”)... it is all worth it for one of my favorite things in the whole world: a triple-deckered, whipped-cream-wearing, chopped-nut-sprinkle-dusted, wafer-sporting, utterly fruitless, chocolate hot fudge sundae (as big as my head).

...After :)

Okay...I’ll admit it, something here isn’t strictly true... Can you guess?

Answer: here

***
First Crusader Challenge
300 words or less:

• one secret
• one lie
• one interesting quirk
• one annoying habit
• one of your best character traits, and
• one of your favourite things in the whole world.

And must include the random words, “bloviate,” “fuliguline,” “rabbit,” and “blade”.


Keep kicking ass!